I am so frustrated with all of this. Bev- my therapist thinks that all this shit is increasing because of all that is going on. My mom is doing everything she can to contact me and I'm getting text's from my dad and the wedding was recently, even if I didn't go (bev put me in the hospital so i'd have a good excuse not to go). Then the wedding shower which my friend got sick so I had another excuse but they came up here to bring a tv, i told them I had a tv.. whatever I had Chris here, a guy I know and my dad was pissed and angry that the furniture is in the middle of the room covering the SLUT in the fucking carpet.

I'm loosing time and these headaches, I can't stand it. I don't want to have this. Bev says a big problem is me not wanting to accept this diagnosis and not wanting my parts. She says they will get defensive or act out, which they have been doing. I don't want this though. I hate them, they fuck everything up. Unfortunately until I accept the parts, am gentle, and listen, everyone is going to do their own thing. Now how crazy does that sound.

Maybe I'm making all this up. What is i'm just completely psychotic? I don't know but today was a mess. I don't know where to start because like I keep saying I don't want this, I don't want them. I want to have a life, I want to be able to live. All my friends are graduated or close and getting into careers and having families and i'm here stuck in fucking minnesota having to refocus literally every single second of the day. The nightmares, the flashbacks. why why why i don't want it!!